My last few words

My dearest Baby Dorin,

i wont blame you fr saying brk up. i respect your descision. Perhaps in the 1st place, we shldnt even be tgt, frm our background to our expectation in life, we both have different views and none cn chnge to adapt to each other. Temperoray pain is better than prolonged pain in the coming future. Just spare me few mins of your time, and read my mail, tt might b the last you would ever see.

Thinking back times, months ago, we startd as friends. And i definately enjoyd tt. Comes in Jiesheng, and youre in a dilema of chosing who between both of us. in the end, u chosed me. Maybe tt might b a moment of "puppy love" i suppose. HAHAS. Then we started dating. But on my views, i guess u made the wrong choice, i might nt be the type of guy ure looking for. Oh wells, wht past had alr past. No point dwelling on it.

We did had a very nice honeymoon period before all sorts of nonsence comes out between both of us. We went movies, beachs, and loads more. Thats really sweet. and i defiantely loves it loads and loves you more. Those sweet messages tt u sent to me, are in my phone. u may nt knw, bt during my free time, esp during my split shift, i would read them in my restrooom. And today's rain had washed off those messages in my phone as my phone is spolit. Really, you gt to believe this, tts fate. Its fate tt made us closer, its fate tt made u chose me, its also fate tt both of us broke off, whts more fate made my life worser by washing my phone in the rain. oh wells, i dun need those messages, as its alr system configure in my brain cells alr.

Everyone have stress, i have mine, and you defiantely have yours. Maybe am nt good in expressing my intention. Youre working early in the morning, tts y i wantd you to sleep. And whts more, am longing fr you to sleep beside me. Bt you refuses. And plus my own stress and stuffs, my temper blew. It blew the most esp during when am trd bt cnt sleep. Am sorry fr my temper and defiantely sorry for the actions tt i had done. Am sorry.

Youre impt to me, to my life, ure my everything, my life, my soul and my light in my life. i even intented to make you my life parthner, bt i suppose, we would also end up in a divorce. i dunno wht more must i do or say to show you tt i love u, my one and only, and i definately dun understand why times and again, you doubt my feeling for you, its hurtful, deep inside my big body's heart. i tried ways to make you feel loved, bt also times and again, i faild, you knw the feeling of fuckd up? ya i have those fuckd up feeling when everytin fails. am sorry, tts my temeper and i believe no soul would takes that.

On Saturday, i intentd to have a nice movie with you and aft tt heads over to east coast, buying some beverages and siting on top of the sands and listen to the waves of the sea while we chat. bt you saw the wrong timing, am nt angry w you, am just feeling upset or rather "sianed" by that. And you suggested to go home, and am getting heat alr, and whts more making matter worst, u go over and meet your fren "WQ", tt explains the final blew top by me. Sometimes, i also need just a little bit of you attention. i guess its alrights, for i knw that nth will chnge.

Life is something that we can control and at the same time cnt control, much less, feelings, emotions. i knw you had reachd your limit of torelance for me, and as i said above i wont blame you. But i think, i had alr done my part. Teaching and guiding you thru ups and downs of life, getting your own freedom, and whts more, the most impt things, stepping into the workforce. i suppose i had done enough for your stepping stone, and your wings are now ready, do fly high n soar up the sky, be happy in whtever you do, make me proud yea?

Am sorry, am nt able to go sungei buloh with you again, nt able to go frog farm, nt able to go bt timah, nt able to go hay daries farm, nt able to go treetop walk, nt able to go cro farm, nt able to go goat farm, nt able to buy you a mini maltese, nt able to go T3 and watch plane fly. All these are actually my plans aft my graduation tt i wantd to bring you to explore. Am sorry tt plans had to stop permantly now, for i knw, there would also be someone else who are more den willing to bring you there. Am nt up to the job, am sorry.

The light of my life had fused, my oxygen had stopped, and making matter worst, get out and dun wish to see you again is enough to kill me. Dont you worry my dear, i would nvr appear in your life again, perhaps you wont even get to see me. Am entering army soon. and i guess, that would be all. Let me be your past, go and earn your future, go get your licsense. go do whtever you wish to do. dun hide up in home, go explore, tt would make you a better person.

Not to worry, am a responsible person, my bike, i would defiantelly pay up, i wont cause you into trouble much less your cousin. As fr you ahma, help me tell her am sorry, am nt able to go over again, and your mom, i swear before her, i would take good care of you, and here i am, typing this, am sorry, bt if your mom would want to punish me, i would b willing to acept that.

Can you promise me something? Promise me that you would live on and earn your future, dun let me cripple your life. Its nt worth it. And no matter wht happens to me, just treat it as you dont knw me, be it i met with an acident or a fatal one or worst endd up in hospital, dun look for me, it would definately do you no good. Just put everything behind your head, and move foward. Delete those photos and put down the ring and continue walking, dun hold on to the past. Can you promise me that?

Our love shall ends as i mark my last fullstop. i just want to let you knw, i JustinChua, LOVES you, DorinAng more den anyone else, and i defiantey treasures those times we spent tgt, and treasure you. i wont be able to be there for you anymore. Remember to endure work, and nt forgetting dun stress up too much, i wont be here to add on stress to you alr. Last but not least, i loves you loads, take care my girl, soar up high yea? you shall remains as my girl for my whole entire life. Take Care, Am SORRY, Byes......

The guy that loves you wholeheartly:
Justin Chua Zhong Lie
16 March 2009
03:43PM Heavy Downpour.